hello xanga.. woahh i tell ya...dis years been really crazy. in my words. as the year went..things were somewhat blahh...but now dat i think of it..hella things changed. soo many shit went down dis year. ohh and sooo sorrie xanga that i neglected you for da past couple months..haha i jus need to get some things out thats been in my head for a while.. soo anyways...since i left you..back in january?? wow..soo from there..had to do somthing kinda life changing for me considering i jus turned 18 back then..decided..heyy im legal now..wanted to do somthing without getting a parents consent..yes, i got a tattoo. haha it was crazy tho but glad i got it. it was also senior year which meant that it was da last year of highschool..last year to see everyone before we all split up i guess..welps senior year went by hella fast..dunt even knoe. before i knew it i was walking up to get ma diploma..also another life changing event. haha. first days of june i had to go to florida wid sum family cuz ma auntie was holding a thanksgiving party for ma uncles recovery or watever..big big party..should basically call it a frikkin wedding without da bride and groom. but yeah..we were all just planning to stay ther lyke 3 days...but during the end of the pary..all of us were dancing having a great ass time and shit. it was hella kewl..loved it. so i got tired..then sad next to my mom while both of us watching mah dad and ma auntie dancing to dis chacha song. so as i kept watching them both dance, i kept staring and his legs cuz he did some kewl cha cha move...den all the sudden i notice that his legs were moving slower and slower..i was like okay....somthings wrong here. next thing i knew, he stopped dancing and suddenly collapsed..right in front of my mom and i..right on the dance floor. the moment i saw him collapse it was like time slowed down..like slow motion...so i ran right to him and managed to barely catch his head. his eyes were open..face turning blue..not breathing and everything. his heart stopped 3 times, which means he was practicly dead. it was the scariest...most scariest night of my life...ever. he was then sent to the hosp..doctor told us dat he wasnt gonna make it if they do bipass surgery. turned out his arteries were soo clogged that the doctors were even amazed of how he managed to stay alive..i jus kept thinkin..how? why?...soo i jus stayed there da whole morning in the waiting room...just praying..hoping. my brother and the rest of da family had to go back to california but i chose to stay in florida wid ma mom. i couldnt leave my dad like that. they ended up doing an alternate surgery adding stints to his heart vessels. three days passed..i saw my dad awake and talking..he was practically acting like nothing ever happened to him..like he never had a heart attack. the doctors even said it was a miracle that hes recovered soo fast. hes a miracle. soo i ended up staying in florida wid mah parents at ma aunties house for a month..not wat u call a typical vacation..haha. so the plan was that i was suppose to have my 18th debut on july in the philippines..we were even planning it for months..had ma dress designed..invitations created..everything else...the whole package..but with the whole incident with my dad and all i decided to cancel or postpone it. was kinda bumbed out cuz i couldnt go to the philippines..but i found out ma cousin and her family were still going..and i jus decided to go along with them..i kinda needed a break from all what was going on and stuff..soo philippines was ma way to break free? haha.. soo i arrived in california from florida..2 days later i went to the philippines went there for 3 weeks..then there u go..another drama happened. well wid me i guess. lol.well ok 4 years ago..the last time i went to the PI..met this guy brian..he would always ask me to be his gf and stuff and i would always say no cuz i never believe in long distance..you knoe me..but still we jus kept in touch over the years or watever and like before june i told him i didnt want anything to do with him. soo anyways went to a lil province in the philippines wid ma cousin expecting no drama plus i knew that brian was in the city busy with work and stuff. so i never expected to see him there at all..so yeah..everything was kewl there at first..hella memories and stuff..met up wid cousins and old frends there..then one day went to this bball game that da guys had..and guess who i see..yea brian playin bball..and im like wdf?? come on..did i ask for dis? i was like shii..next thing i knew..everynite we would meet up and talk and stuff...and there i go having all these feelings rushing out makin me even more dam confused. i ended up falling for dis guy...well atleast i thought i was..3 weeks passed..and the time came for us to leave and go back home. and thinking bout it now.. i honestly dunt regret anything that happened with me and brian..basically he was someone i never had..someone different. more than a summer fling. but nothing more than a love. i guess hes always gonna be that person ill think of when the topic of philippines lingers around. hes always gonna be there somewhere in mah heart haha. so basically i spent the rest of the summer stayin in stockton..doing nothing really..just basically chilled wid ma cousins..everything was great..no guys..no drama. skewl started at delta..and everythings was kewl.. then news come rolling by saying that james is going to the marines. and im thinkin..heyy thats good for him. i wish him well..plain and simple. i mean watever..its his choice. so yeah then all the sudden the news kept haunting me...like i would just hear it everywhere..like wdf?? and im jus like i knoe hes my ex and all but why am i careing? but watever, i jus kept ignoring these feelings cuz i knew i wasnt gonna see him ever again considering dat he was leaving in bout a week or so..then sunday came along..went to church..then out of all people. guess who do i see, who i havnt seen since graduation? yes....james...i never saw him there before..why now? so ok...i ignored it again...thinking this is nothing. then mass ended his mom came up to us..you knoe how them filipino parents talk alot...lol so yeah talked to james a lil..awkward. gave a hug. again..awkward. his mom invited me to his goin away party..had to say yes and not be rude. since that..i just kept thinking about him..it was hella crazy cuz i hated how i was feeling. like dam why da hell are all these feelings coming out now? i mean why now? now that hes fuckin leaving to be a marine. i dunno i guess the saying is true.."u can never forget your first love". but watever..its not like i can frikkin do anything but jus go to his goin away party. so friday came along..at da after party was wen it all started..we started talking..he started telling me hes feelings.. found out dat he was feeling the same way i was for da past couple days. coincidence?..fate? hmm good question.lol but anyways..he asked me out that nite. and yes he is now my boyfrend. ha..and look..didnt i say i dont believe in long distance relationships? shoot...i knoe i knoe.. but wen it came to him..i knew i would do the whole long distance thing cuz thats how much i care for him. so the day after the party was my last chance to spend time with him...we ended up having our first trip to santa cruz together..hahah of course along wid other frends. the next day he left. so now ive been thinking...life is a mystery..love is crazy. i mean isnt it funny how everything and anything can happen? i regret how stupid i was when i was dating james for dat four years.. i was a stupid preteen who didnt knoe any better. i mean who knew wed be back together 3 years later? things like this makes u realize how much they really mean to u. its still soo crazy that im back with james..i was all looking at the old blogs and i realized that most of the blogs i was writing bout was bout james...its all kinda hard to believe haha...so i guess this is another blog about him..jus a couple years later tho. so yeah...i wont see him till november once he graduates bootcamp..cant wait to see him..cuz i miss that fool like crazy!! yea..its kinda hard but im willing to wait for him..so we'll see how it all goes from there i guess. holy shit...i wrote hella..soo sorrie xanga!! you knoe i love ya. ;] | 
